Everyday Rules for the Survivalist, #3 Secure the Perimeter

Monday, October 27, 2008

Secure the Perimeter!

No this is not just something your LT says to you when entering enemy territory. Instead consider this. While we in no way condone fear mongering, the fact is danger is ever present. Terrorism, tsunamis, mud slides, fire storms, SARS, need I say more? Due to this ever present danger it is better to be prepared than caught with your pants down. First, know your exits as well as your primary and secondary (sometimes tertiary), modes of evacuation. Don't get stuck in a box you can't get out of.

This rule was born through an engagement with a tenacious enemy, the Larus pacificus. This brutal enemy not only will consume small children, but also completely destroy a campsite. PocketKnife and I endured a serious invasion by the pacificus at our training compound. These vile creatures are always vigilant and are attracted to human food. Even a crumb left unchecked will entice an army of monsters to attack on the spot.

Your defense? SECURE THE PERIMITER. Do not leave food/water unattended. You will only be gone for a matter of minutes before your basecamp is overrun and retreat is your only option. Engaging this enemy in battle is pure suicide. Be ware.


A Financial Crisis Parable

Sunday, October 5, 2008

(Please forgive my ignorance of economic jargon and enjoy this parable of cronyism and corruption.)

Let's set up the characters:
You will be playing the neoconservative leaders (and potential leaders) of our country.
Your house will be standing in for the American economy.
Mr. Greed E. Skoundrul will play the role of any of these failing financial institutions, you choose.

Story time:
Your good ole friend, Mr. Greed E Skoundrul, helped you get to be who you are today. For example, he probably lobbied your spouse to accept your proposal, slipped you extra cash when you were between jobs, etc. etc. Naturally, you returned the favor and offer Greed a place to stay when he asked. The guest room is a true honor, since your house is (or at least was) the best in the neighborhood. You wouldn't dare put any stipulations or limitations on this great honor because he's your friend. No one wants to seem a stickler to his or her friends and your not above this kind of exchange of favors that makes the world go 'round. Plus, you're ideologically against making rules for housemates.

If only you could have seen this coming...
Mr. Skoundrul calls you from jail and begrudingly tells you a horrific story. Not only does your pal, come housemate, need your help securing bail, but he also burned down your house. Now, some might say, 'hindsight is 20/20,' but doesn't it sound like some simple ground rules or oversight could have helped you to avoid this situation? Maybe simple rules like, 'no drug dealing from my house,' or even 'no hot plates in your room' could have at least kept this irresponsible friend from taking advantage of your hospitality.

What's done is done - you need to rebuild, right? Take care of the house and resound yourself to not letting this jerk or any other take advantage of your hospitality again. Let the law punish your former-friend, Greed, while you learn from your mistake. Your therapist reminds you that rules and regulations set appropriate boundaries for functional relationships and should be applied to everyone, especially friends. But you can't help yourself...you bail him out and borrow against the mortgage of your (burnt down) house to do so. Then, you go out for drinks with Mr. Skoundrul and talk about your mutual disdain for all those critics who just don't get your friendship.

That sure sounds happily ever after. But did I forget to mention Joe Smallbusinessowner drowning in the backyard pool as the house caught ablaze? Yeah, but Greed's fire made for better television, so Joe should have found a more extravagant way to go under...it's his own fault...really.

Moral of the story is...wait, there are too many. You decide.

Everyday Rules for the Survivalist, #2: Maintain Hydration

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The human body can only survive 3 days without water. This means that from the moment you stop drinking water, your game diminishes. If your opponent or enemy has consumed water more recently than you, they are at an advantage. Maintaining hydration augments not only motor functions but cognitive ability. Obviously keeping your body full of good old H2O will help insure your survival in any situation.

If this rule for survival is not taken seriously, the alternative is dire. A little thing we experts refer to as dehydration. This debilitating condition has numerous symptoms. Of these include: extreme thirst, loss of appetite, dry skin, skin flushing, dark colored urine, dry mouth, fatique/weakness, chills, & headrushes. And this is only at 2% dehydration! If you think you're at risk for dehydration you can read more here: http://www.symptomsofdehydration.com.

My partner in crime, so to speak, Pocket Knife, first alerted me to the serious nature of hydration at our local all terrain training compound. Here I experienced one or more of the aforementioned symptoms and I was unable to compete and perform to my normal ability. Thankfully, because of our genetic superiority, I still outperformed the rookie personnel who were at the compound that day. However, had I been out in the real world, and not in training, the outcome could have been disastrous.

Finally America, please drink water. You can drink plain water or you can try an enhanced supplement like Gatorade...the only problem is sweating colorful juices makes you extra visible to satellite imaging.

Today's blog is brought to you by Gatorade.