Threat Assessment #1: Stingrays

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Gazelle and I spent the better part of our summer swimming in the surf at our favorite local beach. What is the last thing one might want to encounter on a beautiful summer beach day?

Fear mongers.

Yet on many occasions we were warned by random beach-goers of the eminent danger presented by stingrays. Just today, some dudes took it upon themselves to let us know that stingrays are out there. These mongers shortly left the beach due to their overwhelming fear. What aspect of my life are the fear mongers going to inflitrate next? Wait, is there anywhere left?

But seriously folks.

Friday, November 14, 2008

protest graphic

If a picture is worth a thousand words and the pen is mightier than the many words is a flash animation worth? And what is an adobe illustrator graphic mightier than?

Someone please help me to update these aphorisms to better fit the 21st century's multimedia reality.

Surviving the Attack on Marriage

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The following is a message from the Provincial Righteous Union of Devout Evangelicals (PRUDE):

Americans Unite!

Our beautiful tradition of marriage is under attack by the left-wing, tree loving, Madonna worshiping, homosensuals. We had a small victory this November the 4th, for now at least the "gays" will not be able to spend their lives together in a legally binding union. We can thank two groups for the victory that was Proposition 8. Firstly our friends to the East, the Mormons, donated not only a godly 9.5 million dollars, but their "time and money" in the hopes of passing Prop 8. We are very fortunate the Mormon Church, like all churches, hold a tax-exempt status so that such monetary donations can be made possible. The separation of church and state simply means that the government cannot interfere with our religion. Not that we cannot interfere with the government, (as is written not only in the constitution, but in the bible!) Therefore, we must continue to fight for our right to tax exemption as to maintain our control of the American political system. The second group of people we can thank for this victory, have had quite a colorful history, though now we can embrace them as brothas and sisters. Once they worked happily in our homes, but now that Barack Obama has been elected president we can welcome them into our club of morality, (just so long as they stay out of trouble). Afterall, American is strong because morality comes before equality. That's right, the African American community is largely to thank for passing Prop 8. In fact, thanks to our robo calling utilizing President-Elect Obama's voice, 67% of the African-American community in California voted Yes on Prop 8! Praise Jesus! The African-American community really is equal to us now because they too take part in the usurpation of the more sinful minority's rights! Oh glory day!

The battle only begins here my friends...

In order to fully protect marriage, I hate to say it but we must usurp the status quo rights of the two groups who made Prop 8 possible. We are grateful that they see the need to protect marriage and we are sure they will understand the need to make these sacrifices in order to make and keep marriage as pure as possible. In order to do this we must do the following:

  1. Re-institute a ban on interacial marriage. If god wanted blacks and white to marry, Eve would have had a sun tan.
  2. Ban polygamous marriage and prosecute those who seek to enagage in such sin. Sorry to the Mormon community, but your men will no longer be able to marry 12 or more thirteen year old girls.
  3. Finally and quite possibly most importantly, we must BAN DIVORCE. The bible is quite clear...Divorce is a sin, and as such we cannot allow it to pervert our Christian society.
Thanks for all your hard work friends. I know through faith and deliberance we can stop the perversion of the "progressive movement". Amen.

This message brought to you by PRUDE. Click here to visit our website and donate money and if you're a true believer your undying soul.